On November 1, 1959, the population of New York City was 8,042, 783.
If you laid them all end to end, figuring an average height of 5 feet 6½ inches...
...they would reach from Times Square to the outskirts of Karachi, Pakistan.
I know facts like this because I work for an insurance company, Consolidated Life.
We're one of the top five companies in the country.
Our home office has 31,259 employees...
...which is more than the entire population of, uh... Natchez, Mississippi.
I work on the 19th floor. Ordinary Policy Department...
...Premium Accounting Division, Section W, desk number 861.
My name is CC Baxter: C for Calvin, C for Clifford. But most people call me Bud.
I've worked here three years, ten months, and my take-home pay is $94. 70 a week.
The hours in our department are 8.50 to 5.20.
They're staggered by floor so 16 elevators can handle the 31,259 employees...
...without a serious traffic jam.
As for myself, I very often stay on at the office and work for an extra hour or two...
...especially when the weather is bad.
It's not that I'm overly ambitious. It's just a way of killing time...
...until it's all right for me to go home.
You see, I have this little problem with my apartment.
I live in the West 60s, just half a block from Central Park.
My rent is $85 a month. It used to be $80 until last July...
...when Mrs. Lieberman, the landlady, put in a second-hand air conditioner.
It's a real nice apartment. Nothing fancy, but kind of cozy. Just right for a bachelor.
The only problem is I can't always get in when I want to.
Cut it out, Sylvia. We've gotta get out of here.
What's the panic? I'm gonna have another martini.
Please, Sylvia. It's a quarter of nine.
First you can't wait to get me here and then it's rush, rush, rush.
- Makes a person feel cheap. - Sweetie, it's not that.
But I promised the guy I'd be outta here by eight.
- What guy? Whose apartment is this? - Some schnook that works in the office.
- Good evening, Mr. Baxter. - Mrs. Lieberman.
Some weather we're having. Must be from all that meshugaas at Cape Canaveral.
- You're locked out of your apartment? - No, no. Just waiting for a friend.
- Good night, Mrs. Lieberman. - Good night, Mr. Baxter.
- Where do you live? - I told you. With my mother.
- Where does she live? - 179th Street, in the Bronx.
- All right. I'll take you to the subway. - Like hell you will! You'll buy me a cab.
- Why do all you dames live in the Bronx? - You bring other girls up here?
Certainly not. I'm a happily married man.
- Hello there, Mrs. Dreyfuss. - Something's the matter?
Uh, no. I... seem to have dropped my key. Ah, here it is.
Such a racket I heard in your place.
Maybe you had burglars?
Don't worry about that. There's nothing in here anybody'd wanna steal. Good night.
Sorry to bother you, Buddy-boy, but the little lady forgot her galoshes.
Mr. Kirkeby, you were supposed to be outta here by eight.
I know, but those things don't always run on schedule like a Greyhound bus.
I don't mind in the summer, but on a rainy night...
- I haven't had any dinner yet. - Sure, sure.
Oh!
I put in a good word for you with Sheldrake in Personnel.
- Mr. Sheldrake? - That's right.
We discussed manpower promotionwise. I told him you're a bright boy.
They're always on the lookout for young executives. You're on your way up.
- And you're also out of liquor. - Mr. Eichelberger, Mortgage and Loans...
...last night he had a Halloween party. - Lay in some vodka and vermouth for me.
- You still owe me for the last two bottles. - I'll pay you on Friday.
Oh, and whatever happened to those little cheese crackers you used to have?
Cheese crackers?
Cheers.
- Good evening, Baxter. - Hi, Doc. Had a late call?
Yeah. Some clown at Schrafft's ate a club sandwich - including the toothpick.
- Well, good night, Doc. - Say, Baxter.
The way you're beltin' that stuff, you must have cast-iron kidneys.
That's not me. Just once in a while I have a few people in for a drink.
As a matter of fact, you must be an iron man all around.
From what I hear through the walls, you're at it every night.
- I'm sorry if it gets noisy. - And sometimes there's a double-header.
- A nebbish like you. - Yeah. Well, I'll see you, Doc.
You know, I'm doing some research at the Columbia Medical Center.
- Could you do us a favor? - Me?
When you make out your will - and the way you're going, you should -
would you mind leaving your body to the university?
My body? I'm afraid you guys'd be disappointed. Good night, Doc.
Slow down, kid.
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Friends, do you have wobbly dentures?
- Hello. - Hiya, Buddy-boy.
I'm in this bar on 61st Street and I figured I'd give you a little buzz.
That's very nice of you but... who is this?
Dobisch. Joe Dobisch, in Administration.
- Oh, yeah. I didn't recognize your voice. - That's OK, Buddy-boy.
Like I was saying, I'm in this joint on 61st and I think I got lucky.
I'm sorry, Mr. Dobisch. I like to help you fellas out, but it's sort of late.
- Why don't we make it some other time? - Listen, kid. I can't pass this up.
She looks like Marilyn Monroe.
I'm already in bed. And I took a sleeping pill. So I'm afraid the answer is no.
We're doing the monthly efficiency rating. I'm putting you in the top ten.
You don't wanna louse yourself up, do you?
No. But how can I be efficient in the office if I don't get enough sleep at night?
It's only eleven, and I just want the place for 45 minutes.
I'm getting lonely. Who are you talking to, anyway?
- My mother. - Oh, that's sweet. That's real sweet.
Ooh!
Make it 30 minutes. What do you say, Bud, huh?
I'm all out of liquor, there's no clean glasses...
- There's no cheese crackers. No nothin'. - Let me worry about that.
Just leave the key under the mat and clear out.
Yes, Mr. Dobisch.
Anything you say, Mr. Dobisch!
No trouble at all, Mr. Dobisch! Be my guest!
We never close at Buddy-boy's.
"Looks like Marilyn Monroe"!
- This the place? - Yeah.
- How much? - 70 cents.
Get the money, will you?
Watch those stingers!
- Give him a buck. - Thanks, lady.
Put it back, honey!
Attagirl.
- Are you sure this is a good idea? - Can't think of a better one.
Barging in on your mother so late at night.
Don't worry about the old lady. One squawk from her and she's out of a job.
Get the key, will you?
Not there! Under the mat.
- Under the mat? - Yeah. Come on.
Open up. We haven't got all night.
- This is your mother's apartment? - That's right.
Mildred! He's at it again!
- Morning, Mr. Kirkeby. - How are you, Baxter?
- They keeping you busy these days? - Yes, sir. They are indeed.
Good morning, Mr. Kessel, Miss Robinson, Mr. Williams, Miss Livingston.
Good morning, Mr. McKellway, Mrs. Schubert, Mr. Davis.
Good morning, Mr. Kirkeby. Good morning, Mr. Baxter.
- Morning, Miss Kubelik. - That's all. Take it away.
Watch the door, please. Blasting off.
- What did you do to your hair? - It made me nervous so I chopped it off.
- Big mistake, huh? - No. I sort of like it.
- You got a lulu. - Yeah. Better not get too close.
- I never catch colds. - Really?
I was reading some sickness and accident claims figures.
The average New Yorker aged between 20 and 50 has two and a half colds a year.
- That makes me feel just terrible. - Why?
If I have no colds a year, some poor slob must have five colds a year.
- Yeah. It's me. - You shoulda stayed in bed this morning.
I shoulda stayed in bed last night.
19!
Watch your step.
- And watch your hands, Mr. Kirkeby! - Pardon?
One of these days I'm gonna shut these doors on you and...
20 next!
That Kubelik. Boy, would I like to get her on a slow elevator to China!
- She's the best operator in the building. - I'm pretty good myself.
- But she won't give me a date. - Maybe it's your approach.
A lot of guys around here have tried all kinds of approaches. No dice.
- What's she trying to prove? - She could just be a nice respectable girl.
Listen to him! Little Lord Fauntleroy.
Hello. Mr. Dobisch? This is Baxter on the 19th floor.
Oh, Buddy-boy!
I was just about to call you. I'm sorry about that mess on the living room wall.
My friend kept insisting Picasso was a bum, so she started to do that mural.
It's not Picasso I'm calling about.
It's the key to my apartment. You're supposed to leave it under the mat.
But I did. I distinctly remember putting it there.
Oh, I found the key all right. Only it's the wrong key!
It is? No wonder I couldn't get into the executive washroom this morning.
And I couldn't get into my apartment!
So at 4 AM I gotta wake up the landlady and give her a whole song and dance.
That's a shame. I'll send the key right down.
And about your promotion.
I'll send that efficiency report to Mr. Sheldrake in Personnel.
You may hear from him before the day's over.
Thank you, Mr. Dobisch.
From Mr. Dobisch.
Wait.
For Mr. Dobisch.
Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
Vanderhof. Public Relations.
Oh, yes, Baxter. Just a minute.
All right, Miss Finch. Type up what we got so far.
Look, I've got you down for tonight...
...but I'll be using the place myself, so I'll have to cancel.
But it's her birthday. I already ordered the cake.
But I am sick. I got a terrible cold and a fever. I got to go to bed right after work.
If you got a cold, you go to a Turkish bath. Spend the night. Sweat it out.
That's how you get pneumonia. If I got pneumonia, I'd be in bed for a month.
OK. You made your point. We'll just have to do it next Wednesday night.
- It's the only night I can get away. - Wednesday, Wednesday... Wednesday.
I got somebody penciled in.
Let me see what I can do. I'll get back to you.
- Mr. Eichelberger. - Oh, yes, Baxter. What's your problem?
Wednesday is out? Oh, that throws a little monkey wrench into my agenda.
Thursday? No, I'm all tied up on Thursday.
Let's schedule that, uh... meeting for Friday.
Friday.
Let me see what I can do. I'll get back to you.
Premiumwise and billingwise, we are 18 per cent ahead of last year Octoberwise.
Hello? Yeah, Baxter. What's up?
Instead of Friday, could you possibly switch to Thursday?
You'd be doing me a great favor.
Let me check. I'll get back to you.
Consolidated Life. I'll connect you.
Sylvia, it's for you.
Yeah?
Oh, hello.
Sure I got home all right. You owe me 45 cents.
Look, Sylvia. Instead of Friday, could we make it Thursday night?
Thursday?! Well, that's The Untouchables with Bob Stack!
Bob who?
All right, so we'll watch it at the apartment. Big deal!
Hello, Baxter? It's OK for Thursday.
Thank you, Mr. Kirkeby.
Mr. Eichelberger, it's OK for Friday.
Mr. Vanderhof? OK for Wednesday.
All right. I'll tell him.
Hey, Baxter, that was Personnel. Mr. Sheldrake's secretary.
She's been trying to reach you for the last 20 minutes. They want you upstairs.
- Are you getting promoted? Or fired? - Would you care to make a small wager?
- I've been here twice as long as you but... - Let's say a dollar?
It's a bet!
- Going up? - Oh! Excuse me.
27, please. Drive carefully. You're carrying precious cargo. I mean manpowerwise.
27.
You may not realize it, but I am in the top ten, efficiencywise...
...and this may be the day promotionwise.
You're beginning to sound like Mr. Kirkeby already.
- Why not, as they're kicking me upstairs? - Couldn't happen to a nicer guy.
You know, you're the only one who takes his hat off in the elevator.
Something happens to men in elevators.
It's the change of altitude. The blood rushes to their head.
- I could tell you stories... - I'd love to hear 'em.
We could have lunch in the cafeteria sometime.
Or some evening, after work?
- 27. - Oh.
- I hope everything goes all right. - I hope so.
They would call me today, what with my cold.
- How do I look? - Fine. Wait.
Thank you.
I noticed, when you were still on the local elevator, you always wore a flower.
Good luck. And wipe your nose.
CC Baxter, Ordinary Premium Accounting. Mr. Sheldrake called me.
I called you. That is, I tried to for 20 minutes.
- I'm sorry. - Go on in.
- Baxter? - Yes, sir.
Come in, come in.
I was sort of wondering what you looked like, Baxter.
- Sit down. - Yes, Mr. Sheldrake.
Been hearing some nice things about you.
Mr. Dobisch says you're loyal, cooperative, resourceful.
- Mr. Dobisch said that? - Mr. Kirkeby tells me you often work late...
...without overtime. - You know how it is. Things pile up.
Mr. Vanderhof in Public Relations and Mr. Eichelberger in Mortgage and Loans...
...would both like you transferred to their departments.
Very flattering.
Tell me, Baxter. Just what is it that makes you so popular?
- I don't know. - Think.
- Would you mind repeating the question? - Look, Baxter. I'm not stupid.
I know everything that goes on in this building every day of the year.
You do?
In 1957 we had an employee here, name of Fowler. He was very popular too.
It turned out he was running a bookie joint...
...tying up our switchboard, using our IBM machines to figure the odds.
The day before the Kentucky Derby I called in the vice squad, who raided him.
- The vice squad? - That's right.
What's that got to do with me? I'm not running any bookie joint.
- Just what kind of joint are you running? - Sir?
A key is floating around from Kirkeby to Vanderhof to Eichelberger to Dobisch.
It's the key to a certain apartment.
- Know who that apartment belongs to? - Who?
Loyal, resourceful, cooperative CC Baxter.
- Oh. - Are you going to deny it?
No. I'm not going to deny it. If you'd just let me explain.
You'd better.
Well...
...about a year ago, I was going to night school, studying advanced accounting.
One of the guys in our department - lives in Jersey - had to go to a banquet in town.
He needed someplace to change into a tuxedo, so I gave him the key.
Word must've gotten out because all sorts of guys were suddenly going to banquets.
You give the key to one guy, you can't say no to another. It all got out of hand.
Baxter, an insurance company is founded on public trust.
Any employee who conducts himself in a manner unbecoming...
How many charter members are there in this little club?
Just those four. Out of a total of 31,259.
So actually we can be very proud of our personnel... percentagewise.
That's not the point. Four rotten apples in a barrel, however large the barrel...
- Do you realize if this ever leaked out... - It won't!
Believe me. Never again. Nobody is gonna use my apartment from now on.
- Where is your apartment? - West 67th Street.
You have no idea what I go through with the neighbors, the landlady and the key.
How do you work it with the key?
I slip it to 'em in the office and they leave it under a mat. Never again. I promise.
- Yes, Miss Olsen? - Mrs. Sheldrake, returning your call. On 2.
Yes, dear. Where were you?
You had to take Tommy to the dentist? No cavities? Good. Hold it, dear.
- Where are you going, Baxter? - I don't wanna intrude.
- Since this is straightened out... - I'm not through with you yet.
I won't be home for dinner tonight.
The branch manager from Kansas City is in town. I'm taking him to the theater.
Music Man. What else?
No, don't wait up for me, darling. Goodbye.
Tell me, Baxter. Have you seen Music Man?
Not yet. I hear it's one swell show.
How would you like to go tonight?
You and me? I thought you were taking the branch manager from Kansas City.
No, I have other plans. You can have both tickets.
Well... that's very kind of you.
But I'm not feeling well. I've got this cold. I'm gonna go right home.
Baxter, you're not reading me. I told you I have plans.
So do I. I'm gonna take four aspirins, get into bed.
So give the tickets to somebody else.
Look, Baxter. I'm not just giving these tickets. I wanna swap them.
Swap 'em? For what?
It also says here that you are alert, astute and quite imaginative.
Oh?
Oh...
That's good thinking, Baxter. There's gonna be a shift in personnel next month.
And as far as I'm concerned, you are executive material.
- I am? - Now put down the key.
And put down the address.
It's on the second floor. There's no name over the door. It just says apartment 2A.
- It's that cold. - Relax, Baxter.
Yes, thank you, sir.
You will be careful with the record player? Shh.
Oh, and about the liquor.
I ordered some this morning. I don't know when they'll deliver it.
- This is going to be our little secret. - Of course.
- You know how people talk. - Don't worry about that.
- Not that I have anything to hide. - No! Anyway, it's none of my business.
Four apples, five apples. What's the difference?
Percentagewise.
Here you are, Baxter. Have a nice time.
You too, sir.
So I figure, a man in his position, he'll take me to El Morocco, maybe 21.
Instead he takes me to Hamburger Heaven and some schnook's apartment.
- Good night. - Good night.
Oh! Miss Kubelik?
I've been waiting for you. I almost didn't recognize you.
This is the first time I've seen you in civilian clothes.
- How'd it go on the 27th floor? - Great.
- Look, have you seen The Music Man? - No.
- Would you like to? - Sure.
We could get a bite to eat first, and then go.
- Oh, you mean tonight? - Yeah.
- I'm sorry, I can't. I'm meeting somebody. - Oh.
- You mean... like a girlfriend? - No. Like a man.
I wasn't trying to be personal. The fellas in the office were wondering if you ever...
You tell 'em now and then.
This date, is it... just a date? Or is it something serious?
Well, it used to be serious. At least, I was. But he wasn't.
So now the whole thing's more or less kaput.
- In that case, couldn't you... - I'm afraid not.
I promised I'd have a drink with him. He's been calling me all week.
I understand.
Well, it was just an idea. I hate to see a theater ticket go to waste.
- What time does the show go on? - 8.30.
Well, I could meet you at the theater.
That's wonderful! It's the Majestic on 44th Street.
I'll meet you in the lobby.
You know, I felt so lousy this morning. Had 101 fever.
Now along comes my promotion and us - 11th row center.
And you said I should've stayed in bed.
- How is your cold? - What cold?
After the show we could go out on the town.
- I've been taking from Arthur Murray. - So I see.
There's a great band at El Chico, in the Village.
- Around the corner from where you live. - Sounds good.
- How do you know where I live? - Oh, I... even know who you live with.
Your sister and brother-in-law.
I know when you were born and where. I know all sorts of things about you.
How come?
A couple of months ago I looked up your card in the group insurance file.
I know your height and your weight and your social security number.
You had mumps and measles and you had your appendix out.
Don't mention the appendix to the fellas in the office.
I wouldn't want 'em to get the wrong idea about how you found out. Bye.
8.30!
- Good evening, Mr. Sheldrake. - Please, Fran. Not so loud.
Still afraid someone might see us together?
- Let me take your coat. - No, Jeff. I can't stay very long.
- Can I have a frozen daiquiri? - It's on the way.
- I see you went ahead and cut your hair. - That's right.
- You know I liked it better long. - I know.
You want a lock to carry in your wallet?
- Evening, lady. Nice to see you again. - Thank you.
How long has it been, Fran? A month?
Six weeks. But who's counting?
I missed you.
Like old times.
Same booth. Same song.
- It's been hell. - Same sauce. Sweet-and-sour.
You don't know what it's like, next to you in that elevator.
"Good morning, Miss Kubelik." "Good night, Mr. Sheldrake."
I'm still crazy about you, Fran.
Let's not start on that again, Jeff. Please? I'm just beginning to get over it.
I don't believe you.
Look, Jeff. We had two wonderful months this summer.
But that was it. Happens all the time.
Wife and kids go away to the country and the boss has a fling with his secretary...
...or the manicurist, or the elevator girl.
Come September, the picnic's over. Goodbye.
The kids go back to school, the boss goes back to the wife...
...and the girl...
They don't make these shrimp like they used to.
I never said goodbye, Fran.
For a while there, you try kidding yourself that you're going with an unmarried man.
Then one day he keeps looking at his watch...
...and asks you if any lipstick's showing...
...then rushes out to catch the 7.14 to White Plains.
So you fix yourself a cup of instant coffee...
...and you sit there by yourself and you think...
...and it all begins to look so... ugly.
How do you think I felt riding home on that 7.14 train?
Why do you keep calling me, Jeff? What do you want from me?
I want you back, Fran.
Sorry, Mr. Sheldrake. I'm full up. You'll have to take the next elevator.
You're not giving me a chance, Fran. I have something to tell you.
- Go ahead. Tell me. - Not here. Can't we go someplace else?
- No. I have a date at 8.30. - Oh?
- Important? - Not very, but I'm gonna be there anyway.
- You ready order dinner now? - No. No dinner.
Just bring us two more drinks, will you?
Fran, do you remember that last weekend we had?
Do I! That leaky boat you rented, and me in a black negligee and a life preserver.
Do you remember what we talked about?
- We talked about a lot of things. - I mean about my getting a divorce.
We didn't talk about it, Jeff. You did.
You didn't believe me, did you?
They got it on a long-playing record now. "Music to String Her Along By."
"My wife doesn't understand me. You're the best thing that ever happened to me."
- That's enough, Fran. - "Trust me, baby. We'll work it out."
- You're not being funny. - I wasn't trying.
- Fran, just listen to me for a minute. - All right. I'm sorry.
I saw my lawyer this morning. I wanted his advice about the best way to handle it.
- Handle what? - What do you think?
Let's get something straight, Jeff. I never asked you to leave your wife.
Of course not. You had nothing to do with it.
Are you sure that's what you want?
I'm sure... if you'll just tell me that you still love me.
You know I do.
Fran.
Jeff, darling...
It is getting crowded. Let's get out of here.
Taxi!
- Jeff, I have that date, remember? - But I love you, remember?
Where are we going?
- Not back to that leaky boat? - I promise.
51 West 67th.
Congratulations.
Would you mind? CC Baxter - that's me.
Thank you.
Hi, Buddy-boy. Congratulations and all that jazz.
- Hi, fellas. - Well, you made it, just like we promised.
Quite an office. Name on the door, rug on the floor.
Teamwork: that's what counts in this organization. All for one and one for all.
- Know what I mean? - I have a vague idea.
Baxter, we're a little disappointed in you, gratitudewise.
- Oh, I'm very grateful. - Then why are you locking us out?
Well, it's been sort of rough the past few weeks, what with my cold and... like that.
We went to bat for you. Now you won't play ball with us.
After all, it's my apartment. It's private property, not a public playground.
So you got yourself a girl. That's OK with us. But not every night in the week!
How selfish can you get?
Last week I had to use my nephew's car and take Sylvia to a drive-in in Jersey.
I'm too old for that sort of thing - I mean in a Volkswagen.
I sympathize with you. Believe me, I'm very sorry.
- You'll be a lot sorrier. - Are you threatening me?
Listen, Baxter. We made you and we can break you.
- Good morning, Mr. Sheldrake. - Good morning, gentlemen.
- Baxter, do you like your office? - Yes, sir. I wanna thank you very much.
Don't thank me. Your friends here recommended you.
- We just dropped by to wish him luck. - We know you won't let us down.
So long, fellas. Drop in any time. The door is always open... to my office.
I like the way you handled that, Baxter.
- How does it feel to be an executive? - Oh, fine.
- I'll work hard to justify your confidence. - I'm sure you will.
About the apartment. Now that you've got a raise, can't we afford a second key?
- I guess so. - You know my secretary, Miss Olsen?
- Oh, yeah. Is she the lucky girl that...? - Oh, no, no.
I just meant that she's kind of a busybody, and passing that key back and forth...
- Why take chances? - You can't be too careful.
Oh, I... have something I think belongs to you.
- Me? - I mean the young lady, whoever she is.
- I found it when I got back last night. - Oh. Thanks.
The mirror is broken. It was broken when I found it.
- Yeah. She threw it at me. - Sir?
You know how it is. They always give you a bad time.
Yeah, I know how it is.
You see a girl every week for laughs and they think you're gonna divorce your wife.
- Now I ask you, is that fair? - No, sir. It's very unfair.
- Especially to your wife. - Yeah.
You know, Baxter, I envy you. A bachelor, all the dames you want, no complications.
That's the life all right.
- Put me down for Thursday again. - Roger.
And I'll get that other key.
- Merry Christmas. I'll connect you. - Merry Christmas. Consolidated Life.
Merry Christmas. I'm ringing.
Yeah? Yeah?!
Where?
You bet!
Somebody watch my line. There's a swingin' party on the 19th floor!
So I said to him "Never again. Either you get yourself a bigger car or a smaller girl."
Miss Kubelik? Miss...
- Merry Christmas. - Thank you.
- I thought you were avoiding me. - What gave you that idea?
In six weeks you've only been in my elevator once, and you kept on your hat.
As a matter of fact, I was rather hurt that night you stood me up.
I don't blame you. It was unforgivable.
- I forgive you. - You shouldn't.
You couldn't help it. You can't suddenly walk out on one man...
...because you have a date with another man.
- You did the decent thing. - Don't be too sure.
Just because I wear a uniform, that doesn't make me a Girl Scout.
A second administrative assistant has to be a pretty good judge of character.
And as far as I'm concerned, you're tops.
I mean decencywise and... otherwisewise.
Cheers.
- One more. - I shouldn't drink while driving.
You're so right. By the power vested in me, I declare this elevator out of order.
Shall we join the natives?
- Why not? They seem friendly enough. - Don't you believe it.
There'll be human sacrifices. White-collar workers tossed into computers...
...and punched full of little square holes.
- How many drinks did you have? - Three!
- I thought so. - Wait. I hear the sound of running water.
- I'll be right back! - I'll be right here.
Hi!
How's the branch manager from Kansas City?
- I beg your pardon? - I'm Miss Olsen.
Mr. Sheldrake's secretary.
So you don't have to play innocent with me.
He used to tell his wife I was the branch manager from Seattle...
...four years ago when we were having a little ring-a-ding-ding.
- I don't know what you're talking about. - Before me it was Miss Rossi in Auditing.
And after me it was Miss Koch in Disability.
And right before you was a Miss, um...
Oh, what's her name? On the 25th floor.
- Would you excuse me? - What for? You haven't done anything.
It's him. Oh, what a salesman!
Always the last booth in the Chinese restaurant...
...and the same pitch about divorcing his wife.
Then, in the end, you wind up with egg foo yung on your face.
Miss Kubelik!
Well, thank you, Miss Olsen.
Always happy to do a little something for our girls in uniform.
Are you all right? What's the matter?
Nothing. There are just too many people here.
Why don't we step into my office? There's something I want your opinion about.
I have my own office now. I'm the second youngest executive in this company.
The only one younger is a grandson of the chairman of the board.
Do you mind?
Miss Kubelik, I would like your honest opinion.
I've had this under my desk for a week. It cost me $15.
I haven't been able to get up enough nerve to wear it.
It's what they call the Junior Executive model. What do you think?
I guess I made a boo-boo, huh?
- I like it. - Really?
You wouldn't be ashamed to be seen with somebody in this hat?
- Of course not. - Maybe if I wore it a little to one side.
- Is that better? - Much better.
Since you wouldn't be ashamed to be seen with me...
...how about goin' out tonight - you, me and the bowler?
We'll stroll down 5th Avenue, sort of break it in.
- This is a bad day for me. - I understand. Christmas and family.
I'd better get back to my elevator or I'll be fired.
Don't worry about that. I've got quite a bit of influence with Personnel.
You know Mr. Sheldrake?
- Why? - He and I are like that.
Sent me a Christmas card. See?
Makes a cute picture.
I could talk to Mr. Sheldrake. Get you a promotion.
- Would you like to be an elevator starter? - Too many girls have seniority over me.
No problem. Why don't we discuss it over the holidays?
I could call you, pick you up, have a big unveiling. Am I wearing this right?
I think so. Here.
It's not tilted too much? This is a conservative firm.
I don't want people to think I'm an entertainer.
What's the matter?
- The mirror. It's broken. - Yes, I know.
I like it that way. Makes me look the way I feel.
Your phone.
Yes?
Uh, just a minute.
- If you don't mind, this is sort of personal. - Have a nice Christmas.
Yes, Mr. Sheldrake.
No, I didn't forget. The tree is up and the Tom and Jerry mix is in the refrigerator.
Yes, sir. Same to you.
Hey! Where are you goin', Buddy-boy?
The party's just starting.
Listen, kid. Gimme a break. How about tomorrow afternoon?
I can't take her to that drive-in again. The car has no heater. Four o'clock. OK?
Hey, Charlie! Gimme a shot of bourbon, and step on it! My sleigh is double-parked!
You buy me a drink, I'll buy you some music.
Rum Collins.
Uh...
Rum Collins and... another one of these little mothers.
You like Castro?
I mean, how do you feel about Castro?
- What is Castro? - You know. That big shot down in Cuba.
- With the crazy beard. - What about him?
Cos as far as I'm concerned, he's a no-good fink.
Two weeks ago I wrote him a letter. Never even answered me.
That so?
All I wanted him to do was let Mickey out for Christmas.
- Who's Mickey? - My husband.
He's in Havana, in jail.
- Mixed up in that revolution? - Mickey would do nothin' like that.
He's a jockey. They caught him dopin' a horse.
Well, you can't win 'em all.
'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house
Not a creature was stirrin'...
Nothin'. No action.
Dullsville.
- You married? - No.
- Family? - No.
A night like this, it sort of spooks you to walk into an empty apartment.
I said I had no family. I didn't say I had an empty apartment.
Come on, Fran. Don't be that way.
Are you just gonna sit there and keep bawling?
You won't talk to me? You won't tell me what's wrong?
I know you think I'm stalling you but... when you've been married for 12 years...
...you just don't sit down to breakfast and say "Pass the sugar. I want a divorce."
It's not that easy.
Anyway, this is the wrong time. The kids are off school, my in-laws are visiting.
I can't bring it up now.
This isn't like you, Fran. You were always such a good sport. Such fun to be with.
That's me. The happy idiot. A million laughs.
Well, that's a little more like it. At least you're speaking to me.
A funny thing happened to me at the office party today.
I ran into your secretary, Miss Olsen.
You know. Ring-a-ding-ding?
And I laughed so much, I like to died.
Is that what's been bothering you, Fran? Miss Olsen? That's ancient history.
Well, I never was very good at history.
Let me see. There was Miss Olsen, and then there was Miss Rossi.
No, she came before. Miss Koch came after Miss Olsen.
- Now, Fran... - And just think.
Right now some lucky girl in the building is gonna come after me.
OK. OK, Fran. I guess I deserved that.
But ask yourself: why does a man run around with a lot of girls?
Because he's unhappy at home. Because he's lonely. That's why.
But that was before you, Fran. I've stopped running.
How could I be so stupid? You'd think I would've learned by now.
When you're in love with a married man, you shouldn't wear mascara.
It's Christmas Eve, Fran. Let's not fight, huh?
- Merry Christmas. - What is it?
Oh. Our friend at the Chinese restaurant.
- Thanks, Fran. We'd better keep it here. - Yeah, we'd better.
Oh, I have a present for you.
I didn't know what to get you. Besides, it's kind of awkward for me shopping, so...
Here's $100. You go and buy yourself something.
They have some nice alligator bags at Bergdorf's.
I didn't realize it was so late. It's quarter to seven. I mustn't miss my train.
If we hadn't wasted all this time... I have to get home and trim the tree.
OK. I just thought, as long as it was paid for...
Don't ever talk like that, Fran.
- Don't make yourself out to be cheap. - $100? I don't call that cheap.
And you must be paying somebody something for the use of the apartment.
Stop it, Fran.
You'll miss your train, Jeff.
Are you coming?
No, you run along. I'm gonna fix my face.
Don't forget to kill the lights. See you Monday.
Sure. Monday... and Thursday...
...and Monday again, and Thursday again.
It won't always be like this, Fran.
I love you.
Careful. Lipstick.
Merry Christmas.